When I was younger, I often found myself perplexed by police descriptions of getaway vehicles, particularly when they referred to them as a “white saloon.” I always thought a more detailed description could be provided, even by those with little interest in cars.

Had I been the witness, I would have offered specifics, such as identifying a particular vehicle by its make and model. After all, I grew up in an environment where such knowledge was second nature.

Contemporary cars, however, have become so uniform that even a self-proclaimed automotive expert might struggle to go beyond the basics. If asked to describe a getaway car today, I could only regurgitate, “It was a white saloon.”

Recently, upon finding a car left for my review at my doorstep, I was unable to identify it immediately due to the lack of branding. Its nondescript brownish burgundy exterior resembled that of cheap motel bedspreads, accentuated by chrome detailing that attempted to convey an upmarket feel.

This vehicle turned out to be a Mazda CX-80 AWD Takumi Plus, priced at nearly £60,000. One might consider it an ideal getaway car precisely because its appearance is so forgettable that no one could provide a detailed description to the authorities. In fact, even the designer might have forgotten this model shortly after it was hastily conceptualized, resulting in an overall bland experience.

While the drive is not dull, it leaves much to be desired. Although “Skyactiv” is emblazoned on the rear, implying advanced performance, what this term refers to does not translate well to driving experience. Driving the CX-80 can be compared to navigating under an overcast Louisiana sky — far from idyllic.

The name “Skyactiv” pertains to the engine, which is less than impressive. My test model was equipped with a 3.3-liter six-cylinder diesel engine, incorporating advanced technical features that ultimately yield a driving experience likened to a canal boat — not in a luxurious sense, but in terms of roughness.

Fortunately, the vehicle’s speed limit warning system ensures you won’t reach high speeds, although it can be deactivated only with considerable technical savvy. Alternatively, one could simply drive under the speed limit as a straightforward solution, which raises philosophical discussions about the rationale behind certain speed restrictions. Some make sense; others, like the new 20mph zones in my area, do not.

In the Cotswolds, there are no pressing safety concerns like violent crime or dilapidated areas that warrant such strict speed regulations. Unfortunately, unnecessary speed limits create frustration among drivers, resulting in dangerous overtaking maneuvers.

I despise maintaining a speed of 20 mph, except when gradually increasing speed. Such restrictions are not only frustrating but potentially unsafe. The CX-80 adds to this annoyance with its incessant alerts for exceeding the speed limit, even forcing me to crawl down my own driveway.

You might expect a favorable conclusion regarding the CX-80’s spacious interior or luxurious features, but that’s far from the truth. The interior is unimpressive, attempting to mimic the aesthetic choices of premium brands but achieving an inferior, junk-shop look instead.

While the seating can be customized, the vehicle lacks the necessary space to appeal to a family needing both passenger and cargo room. You can choose either to accommodate children or shop, but not both simultaneously.

Ultimately, I found no redeeming qualities in the Mazda CX-80. It’s visually unappealing, poorly designed on the inside, and unpleasant to drive. Curiously, one passenger, Lisa, expressed some fondness for the vehicle, only to change her mind when told the price tag was £60,000.

I empathize with the design team at Mazda, who likely joined the company to work on thrilling models like the MX-5 or RX-7. Tasking them with creating the CX-80 seems misguided, akin to asking an esteemed author to pen a leaflet. The passion simply won’t be there.

The overall car industry is facing similar issues, with manufacturers compelled to prioritize practicality and environmental concerns over creative innovation. As a result, the identity of cars continues to blur, leaving enthusiasts, including myself, feeling detached.

If you require a seven-seater, I suggest considering a used Volvo XC90. It won’t bombard you with distracting alerts, offers a sophisticated interior, and comes in at a significantly lower price point than the Mazda.